Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
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That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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