$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
NoShamevember. You game?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
