he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
