I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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