dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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