I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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