when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
