Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
