OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
