i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
