Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
