she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Randomize
