I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
