too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
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