I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.