i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
