Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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