You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
