I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
