This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Omg I joined a choir last night...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize