you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
When did angry sex become our thing?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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