It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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