I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
