I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
