i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
