smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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