I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
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Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
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It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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