this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
