A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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