we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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