How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
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I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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