Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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