from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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