Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I supernannyed him into submission
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
