The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
It's official drugs can't kill me
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
