I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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