I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
