Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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