for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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