Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
