Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
