i would punch a child for taco bell
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
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