I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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