I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
