If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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