It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
