Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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