Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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