Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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