i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
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Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
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I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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