you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You can't just leave with hair like that
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
