o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
