Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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