Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
