You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
They are going to name an STD after you.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
