Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
