So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
He did a backflip because drugs
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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