Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
