what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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