apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
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I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
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Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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