last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
