You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
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