I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
