the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
