Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
