There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
