I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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